Social Media Has Fundamentally Changed Human Relationships
Human communication, interaction and relationships have been fundamentally changed by social media. Platforms like Facebook and Instagram are constructed in a way that allows users to rapidly scroll through each other’s content and engage via the shallow method of one-tap “likes” and “dislikes.” Content has to be outstanding or extremely original to be worthy of higher engagement like comments or direct messages. Apps like Snapchat and TikTok are the new form of television, giving everyone the opportunity to star in their own reality TV show and offering intimate looks into people’s daily lives. Message-based apps like WhatsApp allow us to quickly communicate with family, friends and colleagues across the globe, without the need for a phone call. Friendships can now begin on social media and transition into the physical world, posing great opportunity but also great threat. And romantic relationships frequently begin online but have produced new negative behaviours like ‘ghosting’ and ‘orbiting.’ It is important to understand this shift in human behaviour, how to manage it and how to not let it damage the relationships we value.
We assume we know everything about someone’s life because we follow them on social media. Social media is a snapshot of our lives, it’s never the full story. It is, at best, a mirage of the most impressive and most-staged moments of our existence. Apps like FaceTune have been created to help us airbrush our faces and our lives like the glossy pages of a magazine. Filters on other photography apps enable us to quite literally view the world through rose-tinted glasses. Cue ‘Crema filter’ image of a slender blonde woman in a field of flowers, laughing as her linen dress blows in the wind. It probably took her over an hour to trek up that hill with pollen-induced allergies and bug bites along the way, amidst all of the arguments with her boyfriend-photographer after the ninety-eighth shot still wasn’t good enough. Every piece of content is edited and fine-tuned to ensure that we only present the best versions of ourselves. Numerous studies have shown the correlation between social media use, anxiety and depression. Time to stop believing everything we see.
We have forgotten how to be authentic. How many times have you found yourself apologising because you’re not on good form? A wise friend named Megan once told me, “every version of yourself is the best version of yourself.” Putting only the insta-perfect version of ourselves out there raises the bar for every other version of ourself, which puts an insurmountable amount of pressure on us to be perfect. The millennial generation is one of false optimism; a forced and inauthentic positivity no matter how grave the situation. This actually has a profound negative impact on our mental health. Augusten Burroughs (2016), best-selling author and literary genius, wrote about this frightening phenomenon in his book, “This is How,” and the profound negative impact it can have on our self-esteem. Repetitive positive affirmations negatively impact the esteem of people who already have low self-esteem, which is a large proportion of this generation. If you’re not OK, let yourself be not OK. And don’t make assumptions about other people’s lives and well-being based on their social media channels; the reality is typically not what it seems. Be a human and ask people how they’re really doing. We could all do with re-visiting what it means to be compassionate, outside of the digital space.
We don’t talk anymore. Long gone are the days when we call one another to chat and catch up on life. There’s no need when our Snapchat story or Instagram profile is just a tap away. Last year, when I was on the verge of deleting my Facebook account, my parents texted me and begged, “but how will we know what you’re up to?” How about a phone call, mum and dad? In this new digital age, phone calls are perceived in the same way as online advertisements; inconvenient interruptions. The only friends I speak to on the phone or via video call are those who live thousands of miles away or those who I see very infrequently. And ironically, those are the friends I sometimes feel closest to because the ones who live in close proximity often feel the most distant. Disclaimer: I live in the sprawling and ultra fast-paced city of London, which like any major city, poses its own unique challenges in terms of socialising and maintaining friendships. Jane Brody (2017) wrote a New York Times article about the positive impact that in-person social interaction has on physical and mental health, so let’s do more of that.
We share deeply personal content with our network of followers. We announce the news of a pregnancy, engagement or re-location on social media like a public broadcast to the world. Sharing content that is real and unfiltered is a beautiful, wonderful, human thing. But informing our neighbour, dentist, cousin and driving instructor that we are going through a painful divorce completely changes the dynamic of these social relationships. Likewise, it can bruise family members when they hear of a major life event via a social platform rather than receiving a personal note. It is important to distinguish between ‘followers’ and ‘friends.’ Followers are there for your most inspiring content. Friends are there for all of your ups and downs. These platforms give us a voice and we are becoming increasingly open about what we share, but let us not come to our team meeting without our clothes on.
We are more connected and less connected than ever before. Social media has keeps us connected to people in our network in the sense that we are informed about what they are doing, participating in a digital conversational exchange, able to congratulate connections on their achievements, and share condolences when things aren’t going so well. But it has also driven us into isolation and loneliness, as we often perceive conversations via a digital platform to be equal to in-person social interactions. They are not equal. Digital interactions do not give us the same chemical rewards in our brains. We cannot solve the issue of human isolation and loneliness through digital platforms, apps and robots. Real human contact is simply irreplaceable. Scientific studies even show that hugging has health benefits.
We treat each other like commodities when it comes to dating. When anyone asks me about what it’s like to use Tinder, I explain that it’s very similar to shopping on ASOS but without the filters. I swipe through person after person, having a quick read of their bio and features, examining their looks and style, and with one tap, I either make the purchase or send them to the trash pile. Dating apps are designed like shopping apps and we market ourselves like products. The most painful part about using these apps is the fact that most people view their date as completely disposable because if it doesn’t work out, something equally as good or better will be served to them via the handy dating app algorithm. This expectation is part of the reason for ‘ghosting,’ which is going dark on someone you’re dating because you’re bored, indecisive or have found something new. There is absolutely no consideration for human feelings here, hence why I compare dating to shopping. ‘Orbiting’ is a new, slightly darker behaviour, which is continuing to observe someone’s life through the lens of Snapchat or Instagram stories, even after ghosting them or ending the relationship. The modern world needs dating apps but with more human-centric design and principles in mind.
When I look into the future, I feel hopeful that we’ll remember what it means to be human. The isolation, loneliness and mental health epidemic will have made us aware of the negative behaviours that technology like social media is producing and driving. Tech will have an increased focus on ethics to ensure that we are more prepared for the negative impact of new technologies, once put in the hands of users. We will take back control of our own engagement with social media, ensuring we are not damaging our own health by over-using it or abusing it. We will create social apps and platforms that bring people together in the physical space, not just the digital one, re-educating ourselves on what it means to be human. Some businesses will create tech-free zones, which people will embrace and through the initial discomfort, will make an effort to converse more. We will re-learn what it means to be human, showing one another more compassion and recognising that millions of people suffering in isolation can help and support one another if they are truly connected, which in this case, means unplugged.
